What is the Perfectionist Paradox in Product People?
How product leaders can escape the perfectionist trap and reclaim their humanity
I just spent an hour helping a client with their AI strategy. We realized halfway through that both of us are still figuring out what "leverage AI" actually means.
Lots of ideas. Which was right? Theories galore there too. We laughed, remembering back to 2023. Those were simpler times.
The perfectionist trap is real, friends. We're all trying to be A-players every day in a world that keeps redefining what an A-player is.
And now AI enters the chat, promising to make everything easier while secretly raising the bar on "good enough".
Sound familiar?
The cruel irony is most product people don't recognize their perfectionism as a problem. They see it as an advantage; it’s how they’re wired.
In today's newsletter, I'll unpack the perfectionist paradox plaguing product leaders and share the framework I use to help my clients break free.
Myth of the Perpetual A-Player
In my 20+ years in product leadership and coaching, I've seen a stark shift in workplace culture. Collaboration and professional growth have given way to an intense focus fueled solely by metrics and competition.
Influential tech companies raising the talent bar nudged this change. Netflix sought only A-players, while Stripe aimed for A++ ones. Others followed suit, trying to outdo each other.
The result is a never-ending cycle of perfectionism. Product leaders push themselves to unrealistic standards, burning out in the process.
Here's the unspoken truth: everyone has off days. Even top performers have B, C, and D days. That's not failure. It's simply being human.
AI intensifies the perfectionist trap. As it automates more tasks, A-players must excel at these tools immediately while taking on more responsibility.
One client, Jamie, put it this way: "AI was supposed to make things easier. Instead, it's raised the bar on what's considered good enough." Which is ironic as AI can be wrong or misleading up to 79% of the time. Our AI "assistants" are not even A-players.
Cycle of Perfectionist Product Leaders
When perfectionist expectations collide with AI advancements, two distinct cycles emerge.
Closed Loop: High-Functioning Perfectionist
Some perfectionists thrive. They push forward, adopt AI aggressively, and seem unstoppable. Beneath the surface, they're running harder to stay in place and battling impostor syndrome, fearing the moment they can't maintain their pace.
You'll see this pattern in companies where internal competition is the norm and executives seek results above all else.
Take my client Michael, a VP of Product at a Series C startup. He excelled externally, championing AI across the product suite and delivering results, receiving praise from the CEO.
He confessed in our sessions, "I haven't taken real time off as I'm scared my edge will slip."
Broken Loop: The Paralyzed Perfectionist
The second pattern is the broken loop. People think, "We hire A-players, they'll just get work done." They do, but without clear direction or feedback, they go off in different directions.
It's like running a marathon with a moving finish line. Eventually, even the strongest runners collapse. This pattern dominates cultures that favor autonomy without the necessary context or leadership support.
This abandonment triggers two reactions in perfectionist product leaders:
1. They internalize failure: “My manager doesn’t speak with me because they don’t believe in me. I’m not getting time because I’m not good enough.”
2. They take matters into their own hands by pursuing side hustles for fulfillment or pushing themselves to meet impossible standards for someone indifferent.
In both cases, the company loses, and perfectionists remain stuck in their cycles.
Breaking the Perfectionist Cycle: The Triple I Framework
I've developed a framework to break these AI-amplified perfectionist patterns through my coaching work with product leaders. I call it the Triple I Framework: Identify, Interrupt, Implement.
1. IDENTIFY unrecognized perfectionism
Today's reality: Product leaders must flawlessly execute and adopt AI without missteps.
New narrative: True leadership involves continuous growth, self-awareness, and the courage to be imperfect.
Try these four steps to adjust your perfectionist mindset:
Name it: Identify and acknowledge your perfectionist tendencies. Become self-aware and recognize when you fall into perfectionist patterns.
Talk about it: Perfectionism is exhausting. When we realize we're not alone, we can actually build connections by embracing our imperfections together.
Own your story: Accept your imperfections as natural parts of learning and discovery. Embrace that being imperfect is a sign of growth and doesn't diminish your worth or capabilities.
Change it: Take action to break the cycle. Build on the first three steps to catch and adjust perfectionist thoughts and behaviors.
You're not only rethinking perfectionism. You're learning to show up effectively, even as AI changes the game.
2. INTERRUPT the perfectionist paralysis cycle
Today's reality: Leaders don't grow skills. They deliver metrics.
New narrative: Leadership isn't just about hitting numbers. It's about growing yourself and your team while navigating the AI landscape.
Here's how to change the pattern:
The 80% rule: Ship when it's good enough, not when it's perfect.
Instead of obsessing over being flawless, give yourself permission to iterate and learn. It's about progress, not perfection.
Redefine "A-player" to include B and C days as well.
Remember Jamie feeling overwhelmed? This helps similar leaders embrace their humanity instead of trying to be superhuman every day.
Break the "all or nothing" mindset intensified by AI.
Like Michael, who wouldn't take time off, this approach helps you see AI as a thought partner to enhance your work, not replace your value.
By shifting the narratives, you're doing more than chasing numbers. You're fostering growth and results, and building a team that thrives due to the balance.
3. IMPLEMENT sustainable excellence beyond perfection
Today's reality: Learning doesn't scale. It gets siloed or postponed.
New narrative: Continuous learning is essential and can be integrated into daily work, especially in an AI-driven environment.
Here's how to make the shift:
Build momentum through tiny habits instead of perfectionist paralysis.
Acknowledge and celebrate your own small wins and learnings. Don’t wait for a busy leader to take the time to do so.
Measure progress, not perfection.
Move away from expecting AI to plug into existing systems. Instead, focus on human-informed metrics like innovation and creativity.
Acknowledge that perfection is not achievable, even with AI assistance.
Recall that as AI becomes more prevalent, our humanity becomes our greatest differentiator. Microsoft has seen the gain in value.
By embracing these approaches, you're not just adapting to AI. You're leveraging it to enhance human potential and create a more growth-oriented mindset.
From Perfectionism to Progress: Take Steps Today
If you recognize yourself in this newsletter, here are three ways to experiment now.
Name one area where perfectionism is holding you back. Is it in meeting preparation, crafting communications, or AI adoption? Naming it creates space.
Apply the 80% rule. Choose one asset and share it at 80% of your usual standard. Use the feedback to refine where to focus your effort and where “more” isn’t needed.
Find a perfectionism buddy. You’re not alone. When you’re tending towards perfectionism again, reach out to a colleague or coach and check in.
As product leaders, our strength lies not in perfection, but in our ability to learn, adapt, and lead with empathy. By breaking free from the perfectionist trap, we unlock our full potential and that of our teams.
Remember: In a world increasingly driven by AI, our most valuable asset is our humanity. Embrace your imperfections, celebrate your progress, and lead with authenticity. That's the true mark of excellence in the age of AI.
Your journey to redefine excellence starts now. Which step will you take first?
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Reach out over LinkedIn: Diana Stepner
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Interesting content! Came across this on mind the product